Sunday, March 20, 2016

Drawn feelings about graduation


It hasn't been like this, maybe it's a conspiracy that my feelings are being drawn away
I could feel that aura inside me has not been the same as my previous years
Maybe it's because, I'm graduating soon and living another chapter of my life
Although graduation is a year's from now but still, time is too quick to say it's not coming soon
I don't really think I could accept another new chapter with a new title of my grown up days
I just really wanted to stay on and be who I am right now, a varsity student, a fangirl
Although I didn't really like my university life as a lonely person, but I had friends who were faithful
I am a person who doesn't enjoy a lonely life, I'm pretty much an adventurous person, ready to explore
Well, who else do I have to explore and experience stuff that I wanted to try?

I can't imagine my life after varsity, getting ready to accept a job, getting paid and stuff
I'd rather be a student, study all I want, have time to fangirl about celebrities which I barely meet
Cuz, after I graduate, I don't think I'll have time to meet them anymore, since work is more important
I'd rather have my allowance, go to Times Square every month for hardcore shopping, especially when I'm upset
Watch a movie at the nearby IOI City Mall, go to Mahkota Cheras for food or Cheras Selatan for karaoke
Of course, although Nottingham is in the middle of nowhere with only hills and scenery
Unlike universities in the city, we have no shopping centers to lepak
Even the nearest mall, we have to drive 20 minutes by highway to get there, pitiful right?
But still, I enjoy the greenery here, and much to my expectations, UNMC was rated best scenery in Malaysia, I'm grateful for this
There's Broga Hill like 2km from uni.
Well, it's my 3rd year here and to be frank, I've never climbed that hill even though it's nearby
I'm so gonna climb it before I graduate and visit the waterfall in Semenyih!
Semenyih is pretty close to Negeri Sembilan rather than city center KL
It's like 3.5km to Negeri Sembilan and approximately 28km to the city
Even the nearby Broga is already in the next state

Before I came here, my thoughts about studying in a nowhere university was pretty much, boring
But when you're used to the limited entertainment here, you'll enjoy the serenity peaceful ambiance
Many might not know that Semenyih exists, well, it's okay, it's just a cowboy town with nothing in it
Even it feels far to drive down to the city and in order to reach the city, you have to drive through highways
And.......... highways are always jammed up, KTM is jammed up and such, you need patience
There's only one route to go to town, Nottingham bus and the KTM and KTM stations are limited
You can't get to certain malls unless you drive or transit to the LRT
eg, One Utama, Sunway Pyramid, Cheras Leisure Mall...
But when you have a car, it's really convenient but only, jammed up...
Come to think of it, after I graduate, I'll be going back to my parents in Penang
After living in the city for several years, I might even want to be in a place with more entertainment
I will really miss my monthly shopping dose since there's not much cheap shopping in Penang
I will miss my monthly karaoke craze where you sing from 8pm to 4am
I will miss the greenery here and of course my orchestra life
Come to think of it, I only have a year's left in my orchestra life
And by next year, it'll be my 9th year joining the orchestra and it's suppose to be part of my life
What will I do without my orchestra mates and friends?

Well, I really didn't want to graduate, i don't wanna go back to my usual life but this time different
I have to do my stuff all by myself without anyone already
Dad's not working and has retired since I was 10, mum's company has been harsh on her
So it's up to me and my brother to support ourselves and to live on our own
We're starting a new life! With curfews and home rules, hmm......
2016 has been passing by real quick and in a blink of an eye, it's already end of March
Please oh please let 2016 pass by slowly, creep along slower than usual, please.
I don't wanna accept the fact I'm graduating soon...... 
However, before I graduate, I had a bucket list and I'm prone to complete them before I graduate
Somehow, at this lightning pace, time is faster than expected
I'm gonna save enough money, go shopping frequently
Meet people I seldom meet so that I won't have any regrets
Meet celebrities which I've never met.
I don't care who you are or whether I admire you or not, I'm just gonna meet you even for once
Sot that when I grow up, I can look back at my university times and say "I've met them before!"
I wanna go to nearby places, visit every single place even though it's rated as boring lol
Gonna eat all the nearby good food before I leave for Penang
Have outings with friends even when I'm busy cuz time is running out
And last but not least, get a proper degree and make my parents proud despite all of these activities
Who I am? I'm a person who multitasks and could still manage to get things done!
Because I'm super girl, there's nothing that cannot be done!


男人男人,多希望你是好人


最近在网上碰见了一个男生,只能说他对女孩温柔体贴,虽然脑子一点都不简单
他的名字叫豪,大我大约两年吧,是个中国人
我是怎么认识他呢?应该是说他怎么认识我的...
他说他在微博上的某个网页的关注者里边看到我的头像满吸引人的旧按进去看我是什么样的
没想到他说他很想认识我因为他觉得我特别吸引人(其实我真觉得我没那么吸引人)
他说他看了我微博的图像,觉得我身材挺好的而且体质满吸引他,当时我就觉得他是个变态人
后来我们有聊天,就当然要先了解对方呀
聊着聊着就这样聊出感情了,我觉得我这个人真的不会吸取教训
以前小学的时候,我就是打 Maple 打到跟一个男生玩出感情.... 而那一段情根本就没断过...
今年,我又认识了一个中国男生,大胆比起以前那个,可能以前大家都很单纯吧,这个真的很温柔
可不知怎的,我突然变成他一个不再身边陪着他的女朋友....
我说啊,我没见过面,你怎么一直说我是你女票啊?
他说,其实人的第一眼就注定会不会在一起,但如果你不接受我没关系,我会一直在这
当时我也没接受他也没拒绝他,因为我觉得我们现在的关系其实挺好的
你叫我宝贝,哄我入睡,对我的每件事情都留意密切,还很关心我
他说,因为地理上的关系我们没能在一起其实挺可惜的,如果我们现实中碰过面我一定会选你
可惜现实就是这么玩弄人,眼缘真的很重要,你的第一个印象就注定一个人是否喜欢上你
可能我给他的第一个印象挺好的吧,他才会觉得我挺特别的
而且,我很感谢他不曾嫌弃我,也不会我的一些怪脾气而气走
虽然我真的没见过面,但通过文字就可以感受他想对我的感觉
他呢,睡前会赏我一个吻,醒来后会给我一个搂抱,虽然我知道这不是真的,但我真的可以感觉
我说啊,我长得挺不漂亮的,你不会嫌弃我么?
他说,嫌弃什么的啊?就算你介绍一个长得像范爷的女人给我只要不顺眼我也不要,就要你这种女孩,刚刚好
我听了他那句,真的很欣慰而且还很感动,真的,我认识的男生都没那样喝我说过话的
然后我说你一直说我身材挺好的,那你喜欢这种身材么?
他说,就你这种微胖的挺好的面不要太瘦就好...
我滴个天啊,我微胖?看见那段文字真的,感觉我的世界快要塌下来了
这是第一次有人说我微胖而且是男生!!!简直是接受不了事实啊
那如果他在现实中看见我不是他想象中微胖的那样,他会不会嫌弃我呢哈哈哈哈哈
但我怕,有天我真的真的爱上了一个现实中的男孩,他会不会心碎?
如果他说他想来马来西亚见我,那我要不要去见他呢
我们啊,不是什么现实中的男女票,但在网络上的确是一个看对方顺眼的伴侣
我也希望以后可以再现实生活找到一个像他那样可以保护我,呵护我的男生。


Friday, March 18, 2016

笑容如此地迷人



续上次的音乐会后,我们至今都没什么练习了而且开始觉得我们见面的机会很渺茫
可是音乐会后的第一次华乐练习的时候,很惊讶的看到你从隔壁房的课室走出来
当时我吓着了,怎么可能那么有缘份地在同一个地方相遇,而且是每个星期的同一天
那个时候,我真的很后悔我为什么练习的时候不好好拉二胡,他可能在隔壁房听到了
第二个星期,我又看到你了,那个时候你一个人在前面的椅子坐着
我在窗外看着你身影,很想跟你大哥招呼课室怕你说我在打扰你
但还是鼓起勇气地选择 Whatsapp 你...
我说 XXX,你回了“?”,我说“say hi”,你回了“Hey”,我 “window laaa”
放下手机后你望了窗外,看了我一眼,很 sweet 地跟我招手,当时的你真的暖化了我的心
你的那个举动 OMG 的,让我心动了一个晚上哈哈哈哈,好吧我承认你不是很帅但你的一举一动很 sweet

事后,我在隔壁房练到大约 8.30pm 我和华乐团打算吃晚餐再继续练习
我其中一个闺蜜很勇敢地走到你的课室,说可不可以帮我们顾一下隔壁房的乐器
我虽然在旁边听着他们的对话没啥露脸,但还是很欣慰你没拒绝我们的小要求哈哈哈哈
说完我们就去吃了,回来后,我有种预感你即将从课室里出来了
很快地,我到了你的课室门外,准备要开门跟你道谢的时候,你也刚好开门了,我很快地说谢谢后就跑回去我的课室了哈哈哈
那时我懂你很匆忙地离开没什么理会我,但没关系因为你很忙啊..
事后我我也找你了,but 你的笑容真的很迷人

到今天,我特地留下来等闺蜜讨论好她的 discussion 准备去吃晚餐的
结果,就在 SA circle 等朋友的当儿,看到你走向 the core,可是你没看见我
我就故意在 the core 对面的桌子坐着等你出来,不久后你终于出来了
那时我每看见你的踪影之扫到眼角好想有人看着我,就转了头,是你耶,像那天一样很  sweet 的跟我招手
我的心又融化了 OMG...... 真的无法抵抗你的笑容啦,真的!
而且刚好朋友说我今天穿得挺漂亮的,而刚好在我漂亮的时候刚好遇见了你
根本就是计划成功了哈哈哈我没想到会在别人称赞我 outfit 漂亮的时候会撞到你哈哈哈哈哈想到下个星期又开始有练习了,我又可以看见你了,好兴奋耶!

Thursday, March 17, 2016

#20160314 EXO欧巴们的 送机日

说实话,我真没想到我会有这么一个难得的机会送EXO回韩国
我本身不怎么追韩星但这一次是真的为了张艺兴而去的
原以为他真不来演唱会了,可没想到他搭了Air Asia的航班临时赶到马来西亚
当时也以为,既然Lay是搭 Air Asia 来的,可能也搭 Air Asia 回吧
前一晚还在搜马来西亚去上海的班机,查得真是很没信心的说,很不确定是不是这一班
EXO 的那班就真的很万分地确定了
隔日,差不多5点多的时候,就到达 KLIA 2,眼看好像不怎么会有明星路过的地方
就换地方到 KLIA 歇会了,可那时真的太早到了,要等6个小时呢...
还好我聪明,带了 laptop 去那里干活赶 Assignment 的..
原本说是11.59pm 的班机,大约10点左右,EXO 的工作人员们纷纷到场
那是我第一次见过这么多行李箱的一团人啊......
眼见没欧巴们的影子,我们以为他们会经过 VIP 通道所以我们看不见他们..
后来就觉得有点不妥,如果是真的进了 VIP 通道,surely instagram 会有人拍到的
就在10.30pm 的时候,就一个人溜到机场门外探个清...
外边的保安说,他们已经进去了,你们再怎么坚持地等也等不到了,他们进去了..
那个保安就要我们回家,可我真的没见过一个这样的保安....
当时有好多人听到把难度俄那句话就回家,但我还很坚持地说我的 OPPA 是还没到!
那时我和朋友都饿着了,就到 MCD 吃点东西缓缓气氛
我那时真的很不放弃地狂搜有关 EXO的新闻
没想到就在 10.35pm 的时候,有人拍到EXO从酒店来着
我也不清楚这消息可靠吗?但我仍然坚信我的 OPPA 在来着的路上
我朋友突然说,若真是真的那我们不该呆在这里了,我们该去门口等了...
好吧,就这样 zap 了我们的 Burger 在 check-in counter 那边等待他们
数几分钟后就听到有个女生疯狂地喊,我的男朋友到了!我的男朋友到了!
当时我们就问她到了没有?她说你跟来就对了!哈哈哈我们一窝蜂地在后边跟随着...
没想到 OPPA 们真的到了...而且我不敢相信自己的眼睛... 好多人已经在那里等了....
看到OPPA们走进来的那一刻,我真的心动了,因为我真的真的很少见到这种场景
首先进来的是 Chanyeol 和 Xiumin,哇塞... 看到 Chanyeol 的时候没想到可以这么近距离地看到他
真的是伸手就可以碰到他的那种距离,他们俩后面就是张艺兴了
他那张脸很清楚地在我面前经过,不是开玩笑的帅哦!他那副呆样真的哈哈哈哈好傻呢!
接着 Suho 在 Lay 的后面哈哈哈哈哈,他那可爱迷人的模样对着粉丝们微笑真的迷死人了!
他还对这我的镜头看呢!真的 OMG......... 然后旁边一点就是 D.O!! WOOHOOOO!!!
Kai 救灾他们的后边,真的不是普通的高!!!!
就当我在仰慕 Kai 的高度的当儿就被粉丝扑个痛快... -,- 而且在我还未站稳的情况下又再次被扑倒了..
虽然膝盖真的很痛但能够看到 OPPA 们还觉得挺值得的说........
而且还有好多的OPPA 因为太多人的关系,不是看到背影就是看到头在动而已
还以为会白等,但是真没有啊啊啊啊皇天不负有心人!真的痕迹距离地见到他们了!

请勿盗图

Sunday, March 13, 2016

感觉自己失去了所有


今天老妈问了我一句 “你会不会在这间大学显得特别孤单呢?”
听到这问题,你觉得我该在呢么回答呢?
是真的,我上了大学,朋友特别少,我认识的人虽然多但几乎都是不熟的人
而且,那些跟我很熟的朋友,这个 academic year 结束后都会一个一个离我而去
我最好的中国朋友,今年毕业了,她算是我大学生涯里能够给予我最大的支撑的一个人
以前都没怎么想太多,也没想到以后没有她会怎么办,但现在日子一天一天地过去,我真的很害怕
以后谁会陪伴我?以后谁陪我吃好吃的?谁陪我聊废话?谁陪我聊湖南卫视?
我真的很感恩我有那么一个跟我关系很好的中国朋友,以后的日子,可以靠你了哈哈哈
但最可悲的是,她年纪比我小,但因为比较早进大学所以变成她大我一年今年先毕业....
然后两个跟我很好的 Pharmacist 朋友要去 UK exchange 了 T^T
一个是跟我很好的 Orchestra mate,一个是跟我很好的华乐 mate
虽然华乐的那位最近才熟起来但是,她真的很健谈,是个很好的朋友
Orchestra mate 的那位,一直都是我在 orchestra 聊废话的伴,跟我一样笑点很低
所以每次练习的时候我都不会显得特别孤单哈哈哈哈哈哈有人陪我做傻事丫~
而且以上的这两位真的听过我好多的故事,也给了我好多的意见,也算是最了解我的人了
没了他们在身边,可能以后你也不会再看到我爱笑的眼睛了
之后,我的二胡师父也今年毕业了,他也算是最了解我的人之一
他很愿意听我讲废话,同时也很愿意听我说人话哈哈哈哈哈哈哈而且我们的性格真的好相似
而且,没有他就没有今天会拉二胡的我呵呵呵呵呵
事后,那两个男的.......... 一个镇的不理会我,一个在逃避我...... 艾玛,真的太.....
我以为我们会是很熟的朋友,因为每次都是我们在说在笑的
可是没想到,orchestra 的表演一结束....... 大家都当彼此都是不认识的人那样....
真的好伤心也,orchestra 的时候跟我好像很熟,练习后就什么人都不会认了
目前,我真的很怕我大学的最后一年生涯会很糟糕,真的好多支柱都不在了,我,一个人了
很想念我槟城的朋友... 若他们在我身边,我什么事都不用烦恼了....

Thursday, March 10, 2016

#20160307 CCMO concert


Okay so imma gonna type this post in English cuz I'm kinda lazy to type it in Mandarin
So, if you guys did not read my previous posts, I guess you won't know what's a CCMO..
CCMO stands for Choir and Chamber Music Orchestra concert
and this is my 3rd year concert since I left high school
To be honest, I didn't really much appreciate this year's concert, I don't know why but...
Somehow that feeling inside me has disappeared... literally disappeared...
It's like whenever I know concerts are near, I'll feel nervous *Very Nervous*
However this year, I wasn't afraid of anything, fears, nervousness or pride
All I wanted to do just get over with this concert and stop worrying about things

Well, the only thing I feared the most was my Solo parts as a clarinetist
Although we started our practices long before our concert, but till the very last day of practice, I still couldn't feel the need for a performance
I didn't felt right.
Maybe because, our standards has gone lower? Or is it me? My quality of performance has decreased.
I didn't know for sure.
I never played a clarinet with so much "风声" but this year it suddenly happened....
Even though this problem wasn't as major as always but it messed up my emotions
 Next, I'm fine with Solos, but please, not for those high pitched solos especially when my performance was getting bad
I was pretty much afraid it might go wrong. Of course, you'll feel nervous right? But I don't.
People said this was the best CCMO concert, but to me, it's just normal
It didn't felt like Oh concert was awesome! Concert is over, let's celebrate, well, I just felt neutral.
It didn't made me feel like celebrating it, instead I felt like this was some sort of a practice with 300 audiences, nothing special than usual.
Unlike previous years, after concert, I'll be like OMG!! WE'RE DONE!! No. It did not felt like that at all

Well, one of the major reasons I did not enjoy this year's concert was the technical team
I can't believe this, they did not fix my mic even when the lights are on.. I felt terrible thinking about this
Secondly, I wasn't worried about myself but worried about other instruments whether or not they'll succeed
I wanted to make this the best ever but I failed.
Overall, it was a satisfying concert la, cuz we performed Attack on Titans whereby everyone enjoyed it
And To Zanarkand, a song from Final Fantasy 10, it really filled the emotions of the audiences
Of course, Kingdom Hearts, everyone liked our cute conductor for sure
I wasn't really satisfied with my part, somehow, the audiences felt my playing and thought that I was pretty good
Hmmm, compliments are my motivation so I'll take it as a success for pulling through my feelings for each song
When I thought I couldn't make it, someone else felt it, well, thank you though!

Although this year's concert did not have much of challenging notes but I didn't felt easy playing the songs as there were several parts to focus on
I was even amazed when the audiences enjoyed this year's concert, well okay lah we did it loh.
I'm really grateful for my conductor, Kenneth for being our guidance and to lead this orchestra
Even though there are times where he wanted us to play the songs with abstract emotions like: trees are crying, angels are singing, eagles are soaring..
But it really did help a lot especially when he explained every abstract feelings he wanted us to perform
And thankfully for him, I had a few solos, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have gained my confidence again
I didn't blame him for choosing me as a solo clarinetist, probably because I'm experienced in it
But really, although Imma stage fright person but it really made me improve
Thank you, Kenneth, my ex-clarinetmate and current conductor :)



随缘


忘了何时开始就对你有好感了,而且很后悔为什么和你一起度过的日子的时候竟然没看上你
人嘛都是这样的,我们总在不轻易的时候喜欢上对方却不在对的时刻看上对方
喜欢上的时候已经来不及了,错过了对的时刻,你再也回不去了
可能是去年吧,那种喜欢你的感觉渐渐地涌上心头
这一次别怪我了,我比较看上一些懂得配合我的男生,而你就是其一
以前,我们一起吹过单簧管,以前我们一起熬过那几首恶魔歌,以前你是多么地听话....
不过以前呢就是觉得你没什么特别,而且显得普通,事后你升级当了指挥,才发现你好傻好玩且玩得起
然后我说的每句废话你都觉得好笑... 这就是我看男生的第一个条件...
你可以不长得帅,不那么有钱,但幽默感一定要有...
而且很感谢你这一路来那么地不嫌弃我(虽然我知道最近你一直在 ignore 我啦)
刚过去的星期一,是我第三年的 concert,终于结束了!杀青!
我也懂前一个晚上你爆走了,也是有我的原因,当时还挺愧疚我自己,但你也熬过了,恭喜!
说实话,一看到你隔日好像什么事都没发生的模样,真的挺惊讶的
音乐会后,我只不过是想要和你合影而已,但你却拒绝我
一开始呢,你还与我挣扎... 而我一直抓着你不肯放手,但我尝试了第二次后,你还跟我 Act cute...
但我真希望时间可以停留在那一刻,因为哦我满喜欢你跟我扮可爱的
没啥原因,只不过平时很 Man 的你都很严肃地对待大家,但可以和我扮可爱,感觉好窝心哈哈哈
第三次的时候,你很用力地摔掉我...
OMG,我是女生耶,你哪里可以不 Care 我的感受的...
但是我没有很伤心,只是觉得好死心而已,后来去到 Studio,你还是很拒绝跟我拍照..
经过了几番的讨论,我们终于决定去 Sate Kajang 庆功
原本是坐我闺蜜的车,可是看上你的车只有你和另一位男生再加上闺蜜的车超重了
就尝试拔电问问你可不可以搭你的顺风车(其实心里有数你会不让我上车的)
可是,惊喜来得太突然了,你竟然说 “嗯,好吧,可以阿” 我真的好开心哦!