Okay so imma gonna type this post in English cuz I'm kinda lazy to type it in Mandarin
So, if you guys did not read my previous posts, I guess you won't know what's a CCMO..
CCMO stands for Choir and Chamber Music Orchestra concert
and this is my 3rd year concert since I left high school
To be honest, I didn't really much appreciate this year's concert, I don't know why but...
Somehow that feeling inside me has disappeared... literally disappeared...
It's like whenever I know concerts are near, I'll feel nervous *Very Nervous*
However this year, I wasn't afraid of anything, fears, nervousness or pride
All I wanted to do just get over with this concert and stop worrying about things
Well, the only thing I feared the most was my Solo parts as a clarinetist
Although we started our practices long before our concert, but till the very last day of practice, I still couldn't feel the need for a performance
I didn't felt right.
Maybe because, our standards has gone lower? Or is it me? My quality of performance has decreased.
I didn't know for sure.
I never played a clarinet with so much "风声" but this year it suddenly happened....
Even though this problem wasn't as major as always but it messed up my emotions
Next, I'm fine with Solos, but please, not for those high pitched solos especially when my performance was getting bad
I was pretty much afraid it might go wrong. Of course, you'll feel nervous right? But I don't.
People said this was the best CCMO concert, but to me, it's just normal
It didn't felt like Oh concert was awesome! Concert is over, let's celebrate, well, I just felt neutral.
It didn't made me feel like celebrating it, instead I felt like this was some sort of a practice with 300 audiences, nothing special than usual.
Unlike previous years, after concert, I'll be like OMG!! WE'RE DONE!! No. It did not felt like that at all
Well, one of the major reasons I did not enjoy this year's concert was the technical team
I can't believe this, they did not fix my mic even when the lights are on.. I felt terrible thinking about this
Secondly, I wasn't worried about myself but worried about other instruments whether or not they'll succeed
I wanted to make this the best ever but I failed.
Overall, it was a satisfying concert la, cuz we performed Attack on Titans whereby everyone enjoyed it
And To Zanarkand, a song from Final Fantasy 10, it really filled the emotions of the audiences
Of course, Kingdom Hearts, everyone liked our cute conductor for sure
I wasn't really satisfied with my part, somehow, the audiences felt my playing and thought that I was pretty good
Hmmm, compliments are my motivation so I'll take it as a success for pulling through my feelings for each song
When I thought I couldn't make it, someone else felt it, well, thank you though!
Although this year's concert did not have much of challenging notes but I didn't felt easy playing the songs as there were several parts to focus on
I was even amazed when the audiences enjoyed this year's concert, well okay lah we did it loh.
I'm really grateful for my conductor, Kenneth for being our guidance and to lead this orchestra
Even though there are times where he wanted us to play the songs with abstract emotions like: trees are crying, angels are singing, eagles are soaring..
But it really did help a lot especially when he explained every abstract feelings he wanted us to perform
And thankfully for him, I had a few solos, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have gained my confidence again
I didn't blame him for choosing me as a solo clarinetist, probably because I'm experienced in it
But really, although Imma stage fright person but it really made me improve
Thank you, Kenneth, my ex-clarinetmate and current conductor :)
