Confessions, Graduating Confessions

Alright I'm gonna write this post in bilingual, I guess, easier and faster I guess
And also cuz there are things easier to understand in Chinese.
Okay so I'm gonna summarize the whole time when I've neglected my blog
First of all, I'm blessed to have a boyfriend like Jiet, even though he looks like an Ostrich but he's the most handsome Ostrich (well that doesn't make him handsome anyway)
He's been there with me through thick and thin, ups and downs and when I'm stuck at problems
He's there to listen to what I have to say and accompany me when I'm down
I've been very broke down since, hell knows when but it really increases my anxiety in some way
First of, without Jiet's help, I couldn't have improved my marks and grades
My first essay marks came back and it was beyond what I expected, second class, yay
And I have to say among my Year 3 assignments, this was the hardest ever and I managed to score well

Next, thanks you Bae for sleeping late with and getting up early to motivate me through my final year
I hope I did you proud, thus, I ended my university years and gradating soon (hopefully)
I'm quite free right now to be frank but at the same time I'm working on this huge production
Well, for those who lost track of me, I participated in this tri-campus event called Don Quixote
It's suppose to be a broadway musical and we've just finished our campus and Seremban performances
While moving on to our final performance at Temple of Fine Arts on the 1st June
After this, we'll be heading to the Ningbo Campus for our exchange, sort of
And I'm really thankful ad grateful I've chosen among the western orchestras
Like there's 2 of us and I'm one of them, thanks you very much for trusting me
I'm very excited to go there as I don't get to travel often since my mum isn't getting paid anymore
My family's proud of me for representing the Malaysia campus as a sponsored student
And yes Daddy gave me extra money to show that he's proud of me
Well, mainly cuz I come form a musical family, and most of my cousins are all musical based
As a representative of this musical family, my relatives are proud that one more child gets to perfom internationally
I'm quite nervous at the same time excited, well cuz we're transiting at Hong Kong!! 我的地盘！
It feels good flying back to my hometown, where most of my relatives are
And then Ningbo for 11 days!
Although I'm gonna miss 张杰's concert at Genting but it's okay I met him through video call anyway
I'd rather choose tri-campus over concert since it's a one in a million chance
But even if I wasn't chosen to be part of this tri-campus, I'm not gonna be angry or frustrated
If you have positive mind then everything will be fine
If you have worked your way and showed contribution then you'll eventually learn something
It's not about what you get, but the process of learning is important
At one point I wanted to give up my tri-campus seat for the concert but Nah.....
Therefore, I'm very grateful that I'm able to spend my last university years in the Ningbo Campus

Next, speaking of which that made me anxiety is about people.
I'm not here to start a war or anything but I've gotta make things right
The following statements caters to several people, if you think its you then its you
I'm gonna just mix everything up and please if its not you, just ignore everything yea~
Firstly, I'm not mad at you or anything, just I feel very hurt, deeply hurt that you'll treat me like this
Like you know it's my final year here and it's an annual gathering thingy you know
What d'ya mean you can't make it cuz it's far? We have to drive from Semenyih you know
And why didn't you tell us earlier that you think it's far?
The post clearly states that if you have any questions or inquiries, please inform
Well, clearly you didn't respond to it and then a fuss came along which stressed me
Everyone's tired that night, nobody wants to hear anymore nonsense from anyone
So why don't you just bare with one more gathering aye? Nobody complained
Frankly speaking, that night, someone's grandma passed away, that person didn't even mention to change date or what
Or even change the location etc, that person just kept quiet.................
We all know how upset and down that person was, unable to attend annual dinner and have to pay respects to grandma
And commercials came along, I admit I wasn't able to hold my feelings anymore
I had enough, I mean if you couldn't attend, you can always say it in a better way
And it offended me, cuz it WAS a farewell for Me, and thanks for ruining my feelings
I was so hurt that you didn't even attend it, and back then I was a friend of yours
Imagine hearing your friend, saying it in front of you that he/she doesn't wanna attend your whatsoever event cuz it's far, how do you feel?
And that person happens to be a friend you once cared a tons lot? How do you feel about it?
I'm sure everyone gets hurt for a long period of time, not just me
It was shocking cuz it was a night before annual dinner and no one knew what to do
I mean, you can blame me for losing my grip at things, but think twice, why did I lose my grip?
Was it because you said something wrong?
Why won't you just admit or just say you're sorry and you didn't mean your words
And I couldn't believe you actually think I offended you?
Like errr 我什么都还没说你就说到好像是我的错那样，当天的人应该有目共睹是谁先开始这一段戏剧，感觉好像恶人先告状？
I really cannot stand it anymore like why wanna make a fuss over such a small thing
You really could say it in a proper manner you know
I thought everything was just a dream till you didn't even wish me Happy Birthday?
And I know 你最近比较少关注我，其实我很多东西都看得见的，我只是不说
Like hello? What's this? You're mad at me cuz I screamed at you?
Think again why I screamed at you? Why?
Like you dont even know what you did wrong back then, you never do and you wont change
I don't think will work out well, 如果你没考虑过大局，就算你坚持做自己，你还是得不到任何人的喜爱，好好珍惜对你好的人，你踏出这个社会，你就会明白你不能以这样的你去面对你的老板你的同事。
我说到这里，有什么事就冲着我来，有任何不满意或不同意的地方，私信我。
这不关其他人的事，只有我和你的事。

Next to my beloved you, the one who always say 人家针对你
Like nobody 针对你 hmm.... probably you think that way cuz you're actually not a good friend?
I dunno, but in most of our eyes 你真的很 bosim, OMG Bosim 这个东西不懂重复多少次了
Everyone tried to help you but you insist on doing your own way and then start offending people
While saying people offended you? Then you got angry and left everything behind?
Like whoa, is this some sort of drama? 又是一个恶人先告状的东西
If only you committed more, if only you contributed more, if only you are simple enough to understand...
I'm telling you, nothing like this will happen, and ignoring my messages isn't gonna work my dear
Stop running away from reality.
I'll tell you whats reality, your coursemates don't even know you existed neither does your lecturer
You think you put yourself in a high position then you're smart? Nope, not at all.
Even sometimes when I say Hi to you, your nose is always high up reaching the ceiling
It feels like you don't even wanna be friends with me then why do I bother about you?
I even give you presents lol, I feel so stupid spending money for worthless people, bosim people actually
Like a simple wish will do but you never even wish me for two consecutive years
You know why I count? Cuz I care, I care about friends
Well, let's start off with two years back, you left your friends cuz you wanna hangout with your love one, fine
We had to cancel plans back then and you dont even have the heart to plan it
It was always me asking HEY WHEN DO YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE FOR THEM
but your answer is always ANYTIME, CINCAI
and nothing? you dont plan for cakes? locations? presents?
I see you skipping night activities, you actually lied to people about presentations and stuff
And then we see you having fun while we're doing all the work
You lied about my concert oh? Really? You think I dunno your schedule? =)
You lied to me when I actually know the truth, like deep down lied in front of me =)
Twice! Like you really have no heart for anything. Okay no just twice.... countless times....
You wanted to carry on with your studies after you graduate? Really? with that grade of yours?
It's wasting parents money, oh wait, you're rich I forgot, okay.
I dont even wanna continue, cuz I dot have the heart, you dont have the heart too so...
And I wanted to just call you off for a period of time now cuz you're polluting everyone with that dirty mind of yours
Always describing it so detailed, like you've experienced it before...
I know some people say it's normal at this age but please, choose the right timing ah...
I sometimes wonder 为什么我会在别人身上花那么多心思，却换来对方的无情冷漠
Well now I know, you're actually not worth it, you never are and that's why people don't favor you
Nobody knows of your existence, like this is so serious man.......
What have you been doing all these while? You know I only met you twice this semester?
From best friends to stranger, this is very common but it seems sad cuz you don't even have the heart to talk to me again
Even a birthday wish also so hard ah? Memang susah? Wish saja wor
I still wish you and send you gifts even when I didn't want to but just to show I care for you
I regret after knowing you dont even give a shit about me, so yeah....
Anyhow I'm graduating dy so I dont have to care about these anymore
but I hope one day we'll be friends again, everyone together, as one.