Confessions, Graduating Confessions

Alright I'm gonna write this post in bilingual, I guess, easier and faster I guess
And also cuz there are things easier to understand in Chinese.
Okay so I'm gonna summarize the whole time when I've neglected my blog
First of all, I'm blessed to have a boyfriend like Jiet, even though he looks like an Ostrich but he's the most handsome Ostrich (well that doesn't make him handsome anyway)
He's been there with me through thick and thin, ups and downs and when I'm stuck at problems
He's there to listen to what I have to say and accompany me when I'm down
I've been very broke down since, hell knows when but it really increases my anxiety in some way
First of, without Jiet's help, I couldn't have improved my marks and grades
My first essay marks came back and it was beyond what I expected, second class, yay
And I have to say among my Year 3 assignments, this was the hardest ever and I managed to score well

Next, thanks you Bae for sleeping late with and getting up early to motivate me through my final year
I hope I did you proud, thus, I ended my university years and gradating soon (hopefully)
I'm quite free right now to be frank but at the same time I'm working on this huge production
Well, for those who lost track of me, I participated in this tri-campus event called Don Quixote
It's suppose to be a broadway musical and we've just finished our campus and Seremban performances
While moving on to our final performance at Temple of Fine Arts on the 1st June
After this, we'll be heading to the Ningbo Campus for our exchange, sort of
And I'm really thankful ad grateful I've chosen among the western orchestras
Like there's 2 of us and I'm one of them, thanks you very much for trusting me
I'm very excited to go there as I don't get to travel often since my mum isn't getting paid anymore
My family's proud of me for representing the Malaysia campus as a sponsored student
And yes Daddy gave me extra money to show that he's proud of me
Well, mainly cuz I come form a musical family, and most of my cousins are all musical based
As a representative of this musical family, my relatives are proud that one more child gets to perfom internationally
I'm quite nervous at the same time excited, well cuz we're transiting at Hong Kong!! 我的地盘！
It feels good flying back to my hometown, where most of my relatives are
And then Ningbo for 11 days!
Although I'm gonna miss 张杰's concert at Genting but it's okay I met him through video call anyway
I'd rather choose tri-campus over concert since it's a one in a million chance
But even if I wasn't chosen to be part of this tri-campus, I'm not gonna be angry or frustrated
If you have positive mind then everything will be fine
If you have worked your way and showed contribution then you'll eventually learn something
It's not about what you get, but the process of learning is important
At one point I wanted to give up my tri-campus seat for the concert but Nah.....
Therefore, I'm very grateful that I'm able to spend my last university years in the Ningbo Campus

Next, speaking of which that made me anxiety is about people.
I'm not here to start a war or anything but I've gotta make things right
The following statements caters to several people, if you think its you then its you
I'm gonna just mix everything up and please if its not you, just ignore everything yea~
Firstly, I'm not mad at you or anything, just I feel very hurt, deeply hurt that you'll treat me like this
Like you know it's my final year here and it's an annual gathering thingy you know
What d'ya mean you can't make it cuz it's far? We have to drive from Semenyih you know
And why didn't you tell us earlier that you think it's far?
The post clearly states that if you have any questions or inquiries, please inform
Well, clearly you didn't respond to it and then a fuss came along which stressed me
Everyone's tired that night, nobody wants to hear anymore nonsense from anyone
So why don't you just bare with one more gathering aye? Nobody complained
Frankly speaking, that night, someone's grandma passed away, that person didn't even mention to change date or what
Or even change the location etc, that person just kept quiet.................
We all know how upset and down that person was, unable to attend annual dinner and have to pay respects to grandma
And commercials came along, I admit I wasn't able to hold my feelings anymore
I had enough, I mean if you couldn't attend, you can always say it in a better way
And it offended me, cuz it WAS a farewell for Me, and thanks for ruining my feelings
I was so hurt that you didn't even attend it, and back then I was a friend of yours
Imagine hearing your friend, saying it in front of you that he/she doesn't wanna attend your whatsoever event cuz it's far, how do you feel?
And that person happens to be a friend you once cared a tons lot? How do you feel about it?
I'm sure everyone gets hurt for a long period of time, not just me
It was shocking cuz it was a night before annual dinner and no one knew what to do
I mean, you can blame me for losing my grip at things, but think twice, why did I lose my grip?
Was it because you said something wrong?
Why won't you just admit or just say you're sorry and you didn't mean your words
And I couldn't believe you actually think I offended you?
Like errr 我什么都还没说你就说到好像是我的错那样，当天的人应该有目共睹是谁先开始这一段戏剧，感觉好像恶人先告状？
I really cannot stand it anymore like why wanna make a fuss over such a small thing
You really could say it in a proper manner you know
I thought everything was just a dream till you didn't even wish me Happy Birthday?
And I know 你最近比较少关注我，其实我很多东西都看得见的，我只是不说
Like hello? What's this? You're mad at me cuz I screamed at you?
Think again why I screamed at you? Why?
Like you dont even know what you did wrong back then, you never do and you wont change
I don't think will work out well, 如果你没考虑过大局，就算你坚持做自己，你还是得不到任何人的喜爱，好好珍惜对你好的人，你踏出这个社会，你就会明白你不能以这样的你去面对你的老板你的同事。
我说到这里，有什么事就冲着我来，有任何不满意或不同意的地方，私信我。
这不关其他人的事，只有我和你的事。

Next to my beloved you, the one who always say 人家针对你
Like nobody 针对你 hmm.... probably you think that way cuz you're actually not a good friend?
I dunno, but in most of our eyes 你真的很 bosim, OMG Bosim 这个东西不懂重复多少次了
Everyone tried to help you but you insist on doing your own way and then start offending people
While saying people offended you? Then you got angry and left everything behind?
Like whoa, is this some sort of drama? 又是一个恶人先告状的东西
If only you committed more, if only you contributed more, if only you are simple enough to understand...
I'm telling you, nothing like this will happen, and ignoring my messages isn't gonna work my dear
Stop running away from reality.
I'll tell you whats reality, your coursemates don't even know you existed neither does your lecturer
You think you put yourself in a high position then you're smart? Nope, not at all.
Even sometimes when I say Hi to you, your nose is always high up reaching the ceiling
It feels like you don't even wanna be friends with me then why do I bother about you?
I even give you presents lol, I feel so stupid spending money for worthless people, bosim people actually
Like a simple wish will do but you never even wish me for two consecutive years
You know why I count? Cuz I care, I care about friends
Well, let's start off with two years back, you left your friends cuz you wanna hangout with your love one, fine
We had to cancel plans back then and you dont even have the heart to plan it
It was always me asking HEY WHEN DO YOU WANT TO CELEBRATE FOR THEM
but your answer is always ANYTIME, CINCAI
and nothing? you dont plan for cakes? locations? presents?
I see you skipping night activities, you actually lied to people about presentations and stuff
And then we see you having fun while we're doing all the work
You lied about my concert oh? Really? You think I dunno your schedule? =)
You lied to me when I actually know the truth, like deep down lied in front of me =)
Twice! Like you really have no heart for anything. Okay no just twice.... countless times....
You wanted to carry on with your studies after you graduate? Really? with that grade of yours?
It's wasting parents money, oh wait, you're rich I forgot, okay.
I dont even wanna continue, cuz I dot have the heart, you dont have the heart too so...
And I wanted to just call you off for a period of time now cuz you're polluting everyone with that dirty mind of yours
Always describing it so detailed, like you've experienced it before...
I know some people say it's normal at this age but please, choose the right timing ah...
I sometimes wonder 为什么我会在别人身上花那么多心思，却换来对方的无情冷漠
Well now I know, you're actually not worth it, you never are and that's why people don't favor you
Nobody knows of your existence, like this is so serious man.......
What have you been doing all these while? You know I only met you twice this semester?
From best friends to stranger, this is very common but it seems sad cuz you don't even have the heart to talk to me again
Even a birthday wish also so hard ah? Memang susah? Wish saja wor
I still wish you and send you gifts even when I didn't want to but just to show I care for you
I regret after knowing you dont even give a shit about me, so yeah....
Anyhow I'm graduating dy so I dont have to care about these anymore
but I hope one day we'll be friends again, everyone together, as one.

:: Random 心情 Post ::

Hi 各位，我终于回来啦！颓废了这部落格实在是太久了
消失的几个星期里其实发生了挺多事的，所以想在这里概括所有的事情
新年后刚回来宿舍，就是一年一度的 Orchestra Camp 啦
很可惜，那段期间开始生大病了，无法完全出席三天的练习也并没出息影片拍摄
也因为是大病的关系，有几首歌是完全没在那个时候练到的
Camp 后就开学啦，我也申请了一个星期的休假好好在家养病的
就在某个晚上，发高烧突然高到一个点是安全站不起来走不动的那种
告诉了以为朋友后，没想到事后就两个人跑来找我带我去看医生了
原本是想去24小时的 Clinic 可是附近都好像没什么 Clinic 是凌晨开着的
最后决定去一趟 Kajang 医院，但因为是政府医院，在等候处也等了接近一个小时多
实在是忍不住了，也不想麻烦两位朋友陪我奔波就告诉他们要转移地方看病
在那时候，我同事一再告诉爸爸我的病情，老爸也赶紧上网查了一间医院附近24小时的 Clinic
很快就转移那个地方，可是却被医生骂到有点不爽啦的确
回到家的是时候已经是凌晨两三点了，真的真的很难受，吃了的东西吐了出来
整个渗碳体热到我不知道该怎么办，就一直狂开冷气要不然会睡不着
比起以前，我的病情的确很快就痊愈了，很感谢在我生病期间照顾我的朋友
还有一些在我没能力出门买吃的时候会帮我买食物充分肚子
第二呢，在我休假一个星期的时候，就这样缺了四堂 Crash course 的 Module
因为这个 Module 只需要上两个星期，所以一个礼拜内真的空了四堂课
但以内班上也还有一位同学和我一样缺了好多天，Lecturer 决定给我们俩上 Tutorial 弥补那四天的课
讲真的，我真的真的好感动，我这一生都没遇过这么好的讲师，一个会为学生着想的讲师
很快的，这位伟大的讲师也回到宁波分校了，看来只有等待暑假的时机碰运气到宁波见他了

第三，成绩出炉了
成绩，一向来对我来说不是一个我特别这种的事情
我是一个只希望可以 Pass 就好的学生，要求不高，我等待的是毕业后的生活
成绩，一向来我都比较注重学会没什么注重学业的学生
所以，学会的事情我视为第一，学业第二，我知道我很奇怪，但我就是这样
我不爱上课，不是因为我不真的不爱读书，我不喜欢的是我身边的人事物
就每次都融不进班上的人，听不明白上课教的东西，所以宁愿不上了
而且，我一直都有一个想法就是，反正上课和 Assignment 做出来的东西是两回事
都不怎么喜欢上课，浪费我的脑汁，浪费我的口才，反正没人听懂我说什么
总之一句，心好累啊，为什么感觉自己读错科系
我也也是一个临时抱佛脚的人，不去上课，却不早点开始做 Assignment
甚至连 Presentation 都是前一晚才开始做，开始紧张
最后，不知道是拖了上天的福还是上帝的眷顾，我的 Presentation 考了蛮高分的
心里就是觉得，我这个没上过课的人，又临时抱佛脚，不值得考到这样的成绩
但讲师就是佩服我，点评我说，虽然没上课，但 Present 得还不错
这一回，比起那些常去上课的同学，比起那些很早就开始准备的同学来说
我应该只有这一次为自己出人头地，抢了班上同学的风光了
所以嘛，不去上课的同学，不是差，我们可能只是隐藏这我们的犀利不让你们知道
后来总成绩出炉了，我真的紧张爆了！心想一定又是考不及格了
结果睁一只眼闭一只眼的看了成绩，天啊，皇天不负有心人，成绩比起想象中的好很多
应该是我三年 degree 里面考到最好的一次了，而我一直觉得自己不应该考到这么好
三个科目都还考得不错啊，真是好棒棒哟~！
当然这一点也要感谢男朋友啦，会帮我检查 essay 会陪我一起复习备考
会跟我说，你这个essay 可以 pass ，你这段文好像很不清楚之类的
真的，感谢你这个修读营养系又不懂英文系的复杂的男朋友，你真的帮了我很多！
谁说谈恋爱成绩会退步呀？我谈恋爱后成绩飙升啊！从 third class 变 second class honors！

第四，2017年最后一场 CCMO 音乐会
这一年的音乐会，真的让我感触良多 ... ....
不是因为要毕业了，而是，原来我呆在这个乐团已有四年了
从2013年，坚持到2017年，是多额么地有成就感啊
那些2013年与我同步进这个乐团的你们，不就是毕业了就是交换去了剩我一个人
这一届却来了好多新人 Junior，还好可以成为他们当中的朋友
有时候会特别遗憾，最后一年了，还当不上什么大人物，但没事，不埋怨就好
就在 Camp 的时候他们就报了 Sectional Leader（首席）名单，当然吹管组就是我了
可是 Camp 的时候生大病，也没什么在带领他们的，深感抱歉我没做好我的本分
虽然没人责怪我，都是以关心我的心态来陪伴我，真的真的挺感谢你们的
从 Camp 到音乐会，仅有两三个礼拜的时间，那时我特紧张的说，我的 Solo 一次都没练过
就紧张个不行的，一只逼自己要在最后一场音乐会里做好自己，给自己一场难忘的回忆
虽然，这场音乐会不是我历年来最好的一次，但真的，能够在这台上表演四年，我毫无遗憾了
当中有一首歌，就是天空之城（Laputa）是我放了最多感情在里边的一首歌
这首歌在我大学生涯里带着一个又价值纪念性的象征
从我大学第一年进来，参加了华乐，那时还不会拉二胡，就只能当华乐团的钢琴手
我在大学与华乐团的第一场演出也是演奏了 Laputa，但就是以钢琴演奏的
在我大学最后一年的最后一场音乐会呢，Laputa 也陪伴我度过最后的一次
演奏这首歌的时候，脑海中满满的回忆，满满的伤感，好像有股感觉告诉我，这一切即将结束了
当然除了一些美好的回忆，让我最难忘的还是，Solo 的时候手指突然抽筋了
这真的是我意想不到的一场意外，也是我意想不到的痛楚！真的真的真的很痛！
而且竟然在我 Solo 的时候抽筋，还好自己还清醒的
因为手指弯不下来就吹了一个不需要手指按的音符来代替原本的的音符
若不是我反应块，我可能就空了那几粒音，感觉更尴尬啊啊啊啊啊
可是吹到第三首歌的时候，手指还是那么痛，然后我也不敢相信我忍痛吹完两首歌！
一下台直接跑去另一边哭完它，因为真的实在是太痛了！
不过还蛮佩服自己，为自己骄傲的，竟然在台上没显示任何的痛
也没有因为痛而影响我的表现，真的给自己点个赞！
当然让我难忘的也是我那一群朋友啦！在我音乐会结束的时候跑上台送我花束
而且还两个女生带着两束花呢，我真的好惊讶，我竟然有花束！！！
真的很感谢每一位来看演唱会的你们，真的让我开心，你们的心意真的心领了
还有那些每年会来支持我的朋友们，感恩感恩！你们真的的让我最后一年的音乐会添加了好多色彩
若不是你们，可能就真的，我会很孤独的结束这场音乐会了
2017年 CCMO 正是圆满结束，卡！

第五：障碍来了
2017年，一半都还没过去，就这样发生了好多事情，感恩啦当然
但，直到前几天，因为男朋友告诉了他父母说我以后毕业了会去纽西兰的事
搞得我现在原有的兴奋和期待的心情，突变成紧张和担心的情况
原本计划的事情，感觉有一大半就要被破碎了，感觉没那个心情出国了
想阻止我出国，也不行啊大人们，我不是你女儿啊，我又我的选择，我的权利我的自由
也别说我出国是为了打扰你儿子的生活可以吗，女朋友在你们眼里真的是这样的吗
我也担心你的儿子啊，也想为他减轻负担，陪陪他不让他倍感压力，不能么
当然也是为了我的好啊，到国外工作，吸取经验，赚钱回来养你们咯
为什么就一只看不起我，看不好我呢？我也没有你们想象中的差啊
搞得现在我一个头两个大，要不要告诉我父母这件事
我们在一起已经十个月了，你也总不能要你儿子决绝我的啊
我们没有一时冲动，我们只是时机到了，才在一起的，没有谁喜欢谁，就这么自然在一起了
我成绩虽然不好，但我承认我多才多艺，也会开网店卖东西赚零用钱
我虽然外向，但也不能说外向的女孩子不适合你的儿子啊，他现在也在为自己而进步呢
我的成绩也因为你的儿子而越来越好，你的儿子也越来越没以前那样不爱讲话开始外向点了
难道这不是好事么？难道要一辈子都内向吗，真的好吗
难道情侣之间一定要两个内向的吗？两个一起不爱讲话，两个不主动为对方做事情
这样彼此之间会开心吗，我们会过得很好吗？
很多事情不是你想象得到得就是对的，我会证明我不是你想象中的那样
我学历没有你儿子高，但至少我可以工作赚钱养家，所以别看不起我读语文系
可以想象中，一通电话却可以改变两个人的命运，两个人原本的计划
我在此祈祷上天让我2017的下半年过得好好的，让我顺利毕业，赐我 second class 荣誉
感激不尽！

#Throwback：H&M Flash Deals！

Hey guys, so I'm going to direct this post in English, well, mainly cuz I'm pretty lazy to type it in Mandarin, so yeah... And, yes, I'm sure most of you have heard of the crazy H&M flash deals going on last year, preferably end of year. You can see most of the social media sharing this crazy sales form as low as RM10, well they weren't joking cuz I bought my friend a pair of jeans which only costed RM10, yes you haven't seen it wrongly, IT'S RM10 FOR A PAIR OF JEANS! Apart from that, most of the sweaters are ranged from RM40, when the original price was suppose to be more than that, so I consider it as treasure price for me. Well, without further ado, I'm going to be sharing the clothes I bought during the flash sales and altogether, it didn't really cost much, in comparison with the normal H&M price range that is, so I'm quite satisfied with every piece I bought.



First off, this 'Living for the weekend' sweater, although it's not the best seller sweater but I've seen the original price, definitely more than it ever cost. Well since, it's only 39.90, I gave a go at getting this sweater at an affordable price. I've been eyeing on this sweater for quite some time, hoping that the price will decrease cuz the original one was way off my budget (I can't afford to buy expensive clothing unless it's really worth it), since this discounted price was just RM39.90, why not? It had this tumblr-ish feel on it and it's partially worn like a mini hoodie dress but still it shines the apparel part of the clothing on you! Well, you can wear a super short shorts under it to make it look more fashionable. I actually wore shorts underneath it but it didn't show so it's quite successful haha! You can still wear it with shorts, tucked inside it, but because it's an oversize thingy, I suggest you to just let it be in its natural form cuz usually tucked oversize seems abit weird if you can't get the hang of it.

Next, is this turtle neck long sweater, similar to the top but this looked more like a dress. The material is quite thick, only thing about it is that, it's pretty hot if you wear under Malaysian weather. Not only that, because it's a turtle neck top, not every girl can get hold of this kinda design though. I actually looked ugly but I insisted on buying this since it's already on discounted price, RM39.90. I guess for countries with Fall or Autumn, this sweater goes really well with the slightly cold temperature. 

Similar wordings as the above sweater, 'Latte and Love', I kinda like the caption of both sweater and tank top so I decided to buy both types of clothing with the same caption yoh! If you're looking for a lose fit tank top and not the slim fit kinda thing with comfy material, well this is the tank top you should get! I haven't worn this before but the material gives you a comfy fit to the Malaysian weather since it's really hot and humid. The disadvantage side of this tank top is that, the material is pretty thin with lose fit, so I suggest to not get a size bigger than your usual wear cuz it can see through from the armpit sector, unless you know how to bare with clothing like this or you wanna be fashionable, cuz most of the tank tops can see through from the sides. I kinda like this tank top which actually priced at RM25 before but now, I've saw this in H&M quite recent like after the flash sales, oh wow, the price went back to RM49.90. (slightly not worth the price though)

 Another worthy piece from H&M would be this, purple off shoulder longsleeve. I actually liked the material since it's slightly more to a thinner knitwear kinda material but it's comfy and it's not warm or hot when you wear it, so you can just worry free and wear it for your outings! This top comes in three different colors (or more), Black, Grey and Purple I guess, or maybe there's white, but I haven't come across it yet. This material is kinda slim fit which sticks to your body shape so I decided to get a M size for myself, cuz I didn't wanna look so bloated up with the usual S size, and yeah I wanted to get black since black color has the magic to make you look thinner and yet I chose purple cuz it's not a mainstream color and I don't have this color in my closet just yet. Well, all I could say is, I really like this top and I'm gonna wear this quite often as it matches my style with shorts or a black mini dress.

 Coming up, this red cropped top for Chinese New Year! Yeah, bought this at a discounted price cuz the normal price for this was slightly overrated for this kinda material. Well, this top is actually cropped but I decided it's length can be tucked in the shorts. For material wise, it's slightly thin, and if you try to pull it just to tuck it in your shorts, it can slightly see through, so I decided to get a size bigger so that I have enough cloth to tuck in, although it's a crop top but cuz I have a super short body figure, even XS seemed slightly long for me but can't tuck it in cuz the cloth kept coming out of the shorts so I decided to get S size which I have more cloth to tuck in. The cloth is comfy and light but you have bare with the thinner side of this top yeah.

Again, another sweater, well this is not my sweater cuz I bought this for my boyfriend to wear. It's actually not grey or brown color but something like army green plus olive plus brown kinda color, I find it unique and bought it for my boyfie, I hope he likes it hehe. Well, I bought this at the men's section, also with flash deals, kinda forgot how much it costs, but it's comfy for sure! Worth the price paid. Although it's from the men's sector, but it looks okay on me hahahaha well, now very heng boyfriend oversize tops right? Yeah, that's the feel I get when I wore this although I look like a penguin. 

Well, not relating to H&M flash deals, I still feel like sharing my overliking towards Forever 21's camis! Although it's not that cheap for a simple cami, but still the colors really attract me !

I know I'm utterly crazy over special colors and that's why I bought 2 uncommon colors, But due to the filters I've added on the pictures, it made it look different than the usual color. The first cami was actually army green color and the second one is charcoal grey, but after the filters, the second one looked like my boyfriend's sweater color right? But no. They're both totally different colors. After my search for H&M flash deals, I decided to hang around Forever 21 since thy have sales too and what caught my eye were the camis! The comfy and special colored camis! They're kind slim fit and a little low V, but it fitted me well, and yes I'm lovin the colors oooh!! Well not to mention, the shorts I'm wearing with the camis is also from Forever 21 haha! It's dark blue with discounted price too! I'm so lucky to get my size at the pile of discounted shorts sector, booyah! I was hesitated between buying camis and the shorts, in the end I bought all 3 and it didn't cost me much and I'm so happy!

Well, I guess that's it for my fashion blog today, I just hope every piece of clothing fits me well til the very end of my semester yeah, and, I'm going to stop myself from buying anymore summer clothing and just focus more on autumn and winter wear cuz I might be going to New Zealand some what this year for work after graduate. I hope to get nice winter clothing from Uniqlo I guess! Thy have really nice winter clothing there like bomber jackets and all with special colors! But yeah they're bit costly for me to purchase them right now since I'm pretty much outta cash. I'll definitely save up to buy my dream winter coat, I hope. But, for now, I will end my post hehe. 

2017 年，开跑咯！

2017年的开始，对我来说不是一个特别顺利的开始
第一，堕落太久以后，Assignment 差点来不及做完，考试也没准备的好
很怕这次又在 Fail，也很怕考试会不及格，但一切都是自己的该死的
但我真的感谢我最亲爱的男朋友，虽然有时差，虽然在异地，但还是会陪我一起努力
就是，会在跟我 Video Call 的当儿，鼓励我，激励我
还帮我检查 Assignment 陪我分担这个那个，帮我做 Referencing
你真的是个非常好人欸，你是一个读 Nutrition 的人可是会帮我这个读语文的人 check 功课
太棒了！而且没做过 MHRA referencing 也能照着 type 给我，我真的，omg 感动屎了！
谢谢你那几天的陪伴，真的是最温暖的陪伴，身在远方也懂得陪我，感激不尽
真的，很愧疚你为了我牺牲了好多时间，尤其是睡眠，一直早醒为我加油打气的
看到你的付出和贡献，我深感抱歉，请你好好休息吧
虽然，当中因为压力而对你发了脾气，但你都没在意，一直当我是因压力而发泄的
对不起啦，真的不是故意的，谢谢你的体谅..

后来就在考试期间，满怀压力的时候，我最爱的亲人去世了
那个时候对我打击算大又不算大，因为她这个人，植物人很久了，或许，是时候了
一开始的时候，发生在两年前，她打着太极忽然晕了过去
没想到这一晕就这样昏迷了好久，大约一年后，终于醒来了
但因为脑细胞几乎没了，她..... 失忆了.... 已经忘了身边所有的人事物....
连我这个亲手养了好几十年的宝贝也给忘了... 那个时候对我打击真的很大
但没想到，原本几个月，甚至几天的寿命，可以耐到一年多，已经很不错了
她的离世，其实一开始我会觉得很伤心，后来我觉得很欣慰，她可以安心的走了
这个人呢，在我两个月大的时候，开始把我接进了她的郑家
就这样，养着养着，我也变成她们家里的一份子了
从一个宝宝，到幼儿园毕业，到小学毕业，到中学毕业...
只能说，我的童年，我的岁月里，我的青春里，因你的陪伴而精彩

小时候，父母因工作而把我放在你的家，吃的喝的拉的住的也都是你的家
甚至被父母骂的时候，第一个打的电话都是给你，然后在电话里哭哭啼啼的
然后，你家里有好多只毛孩儿，都是陪着我长大的毛朋友，都很爱惜我的毛亲人
想起以前在你家的那些欢乐日子，我也想要时间倒退，回到那些日子
喝着你做的冻柠檬茶，还有鸡汤，还有面，真的很好吃！
想起以前会在你的家，无歌词无旋律的唱起自己的创曲，跳着自己想跳的舞
模仿电视里的广播员，天气报告员，还有闽南剧里的夸张剧情
偶尔看着卡通台的时候，你会告诉我，等下几点几点给你看你的戏之类的
真的，一切都是美好的回忆....
没想到，就这样在这么的一瞬间，在那么一次的晕倒，那么一次的昏迷
从昏倒至昏迷至植物人的状况，突然变成了一具冰冷的遗体
在棺材里笑得如此得安详，看到你躺着的那一丝微笑，我也觉得你很安详的走了
可能之前放不下某些事情，所以选择不这么快走，现在，放下了心头，你终于安详的离去
你在世选的照片，挂在棺材前，真的好漂亮，当我上前去看你的时候，仿佛照片里的你在看着我
我不敢相信，一个曾经那么爱我，那么保护我的你，就这样躺在我面前的棺材里
毫无病痛的折磨，毫无挣扎的痕迹，一笑而过的走了

我也没想到，到了你的家，那个时候，你的儿女在为你祷告
而我和父母却挤到一个角落去，然后突然有两个长得很像你的女人坐在我面前
第一句问的是：请问你是不是 Janice？我很吓到竟然还有人会认识我？
原来他们都是你的妹妹，来找你的时候会见到我的亲戚
后来就因为这样，变成全场的人都认得我，也记得我
大多数的人都说：哎哟，以前看到你的时候很小咯~ 现在长大了！
要不然就是会问我：你记不记得我是谁，你记得你见过我吗？
后来才知道，原来全场来的嘉宾都是，认识我的人.... 原来我在郑家也很有名吧.....
原来大家都还记得，你以前有照顾个小女孩，名叫 Janice 的，原来我是你家的小红人啊
但也因为你对我满满的宠爱，满满的溺爱，所以大家才会认得我呢

我就在你身边，默默地看着你，无助地看着你，就像是我想告诉你好多事情
我想说我找到一个可以爱我的男人，一个可以保护我的人，我找到了真心的朋友
好学了很多乐器，未来得及给你表演你就走了，就这样，脑海中闪出我们俩之间的回忆...

还记得那天吗？你从幼儿园接我回家，我一直在唱大长今的歌
一路上雀跃地唱着，连自己都不知道在唱什么，当我们经过陌生人身边，你给了对方尴尬的微笑
还记得那天吗？我不小心吧笛子敲到万万（斑点狗）的头上，真的很大声的磕到
还记得那天吗？你的邻居时常在后门找你，而我看见了你的朋友都会喊：Aunty 阿妮找你咯！
还记得那天吗？我坐着你的摇篮椅上吃着零食看着卡通？
还记得那天吗？你带我出去吃好料，还带我逛街，偶尔会买芭比娃娃给我
还记得那天吗？你把一只玩具熊送给了我，我至今还把它收着不舍得丢呢
还记得那天吗？你女儿穿不上的衣服都会让给我穿
甚至还有好多好多的回忆，在天国的你，你还记得吗？那全是我们的点点滴滴

没想到这些点滴就在你昏迷的时候结束了，我们再也没有任何的接触
而我也特别后悔为什么不在你醒来的时候托着妈妈一起去医疗院陪你
为什么我会有那种去医疗院看你会吓着你的心态
若当初没怀着这种无聊的心情，也许不会在你走前有任何的遗憾
我后悔了，对不起.... 但愿我们这段感情可以维持到以后，也请你来向我报梦...好么？
我想如果现在遗体可以说话，我想你应该有很多话也想对我说的吧？
我会好好地活下去，我会一直记住你这个好人
很可惜，在我还未到达报答你的年龄时，你走了...
而我找不到我们任何一张合照，我想，这真的是一件很遗憾的事情吧...
无论如何，时间一去就是不回头，不管有多少的抱怨和遗憾，都往事随风了吧....
只能说，要有孝心，就要趁早发挥它，别等到最后走了才来后悔莫及
安息吧，我亲爱的保姆 Aunty Teh，我们来世会再相遇的，相信我们缘分未尽！
2017年，刚开始你就给我压力了，接下来的日子让我顺利好么？
顺利给我及格，顺利给我多点钱，顺利让我去宁波，顺利让我毕业，顺利让我陪我的杰宝
............................. 好么 ..........................................

2016 再见 | 2017 你好

2016年，对我来说不算是一个特别的一年
没有 exchange program 没有出国，见到的明星也比较少（姐懒惰追了）
身边的朋友不是到UK交换，就是毕业了，只剩下孤零零的我
比较特别的是，2016年我在我生日那个月份找到男朋友啦！感谢主聆听我的祷告！
还有就是，一千零一夜的 Tri Campus Arts Festival（那也算是交流吧）
但因为是在马来西亚分校举办的，所以也没得出国哈哈哈哈
好在，可以交更多的朋友，一起学新的东西，一起演奏
然而，Tri Campus 后，也和男友一起跑去云顶 Paktor，隔天就回来了
真的好棒啊，一起牵着手，吹着冷冷的风，一起逛着街，幸福感满满的！
而今年的生日，虽然没什么特别，但我有礼物收欸！
好友大便穹竟然买了我喜欢吃的巧克力蛋糕，而雪盁买了香水给我，感恩！
男朋友虽然没什么送东西给我，但他亲自弄了生日卡片，还演奏了生日歌给我呢！
真的好特别好特别好特别！谢谢鼻~  ♥
生日后就跑去 Penang Anime Matsuri 见 LiSA！真的超兴奋的吖！
还有暑假的时候在 Autocity 见到 Janice 阎奕格啦！
暑假的时候也因为远距离，无法见到鼻，所以也办了个 Daytrip 去找他
再多一个月就一起去 Alor Setar 还有 Langkawi ♥ 
Langkawi 后的那一晚就住在男友家哈哈哈哈还接的我睡的那张床超舒服的！

接着，七月尾就参加了男朋友的毕业典礼，自己一个人搭飞机过去看他

然后因为我是早几天到所以就在大便穷家里呆几天，顺便拍闺密照（感谢宏立的帮忙）

7月23日，我男朋友正式毕业啦！顶着忐忑的心情到 PICC 见他

那一次还要跟他一起回到 campus，然后跟他一起住，嘻嘻！

回味起哪天的浪漫，真想回到那一天，让时间停顿在那一刻

好喜欢他来电脑室找我的时候那种满满爱意的眼神看着我

然后吃晚餐的时候一直狂摸我的手还喂我吃了呢，好棒呀！（手被摸得好温柔呀）

今年 Pokemon Go 也开始了，他的出现让我和弟弟的感情稍微加深了点，真的感恩！

刚好男朋友也有同样的喜好，就是玩 Pokemon Go，所以我们也有同样的话题

再来就是，男朋友愿意陪我一起玩 Tsum Tsum 啦！还一直发 Hearts 给我呢！感动~

也很谢谢你，不管怎样都一直买礼物送我，对不起让你破费了，我以后不会亏待你的！

再来就是原本要去看 Bigbang 和宋智孝，结果错过了，白费了一趟，啥也没看见

十一月就音乐会了，哈哈哈哈哈终于圆满了我的华乐生活，我的最后一场音乐会

很开心可以在大学成为华乐的一份子，重新学过一种乐器，考验真的非一般的大

但我还是成功了，这次音乐会也是我最满意的一次了，以后我也会加油的！

音乐会后，男友又来看我了，连续一个星期的陪着我，怕我孤单怕我哭哈哈哈哈

然后那一次我们还去了 Port Dickson 一日游，真的真的好开心啊！我们的第三次小旅游~

在上面也提到，没见到 Bigbang 和宋智孝没关系，至少见到了 Bii 毕书尽吖！真的好帅！

后来就踏入年尾了，男朋友就在11月27日那天晚上飞往纽西兰继续他的修学

但还没飞的那一天，他也来Kajang 找我和其他朋友聚餐，那一刻起，心情超低落的

没想到这一天这么快就到了，还要面对异地恋和时差

但说真的，习惯了时差后，真的没有想象中的那样差，因为男友还愿意抽空时间陪我聊天

而且尽管异地恋了，我真的很骄傲有个 PHD 那朋友，以后毕业了，他就是 Dr. Lim 了啦！

好消息在于跟父母和家人公开了我的恋情后，所有的一切都松了一口气

我还很快地提起说要跟随男友到纽西兰一起生活，一起工作，没想到父母也支持我去

我们就打算我今年毕业后，就跟男朋友去了，所以从今天算起，还剩大概7个月的时间

但这一切只要是计划失败了，就可能需要延迟我的行程啦，我都不知道能偶毕业得了呢

但现在就得做出好多的准备，准备冬天的衣服，秋天的服侍之类的

就因为要出国，所以就减少买夏季的衣服了，虽然有好多都很漂亮但我必须忍住！

还有就是，纽西兰那里的淘宝代购没马来西亚的那样发达

最后还是决定在马来西亚买完想买的东西，不管是不是实用的，只要是未来有用处就买！

纽西兰就算有淘宝代购，邮费真的好贵好贵的吖！所以，马来西亚买下是最好的选择，呵呵

2017年已降临，自己来了一岁，也发现自己即将踏入毕业季，还有一个sem就毕业了

虽然有点不舍，但因为即将要和男友出国工作，就显得有些兴奋！

可能是因为，我不太喜欢我现在的大学生活.... 

我一直以为大学都是一大班朋友一起上课，一起做事情之类的

但目前为止我都是一个人.... 现在有了男友后虽然没有以前的孤独，但他都不在我身边呀

我以为会继续做朋友的，到最后也没啥理会我，就一直在换朋友圈子，寻找一个适合自己的

至今，真的融入不下任何一组人... 但好在华乐里增加了二胡组，还有 mussoc 也有新朋友

我非常感恩你们的出现，真的增添了好多色彩，一直陪我聊天，陪我用餐也是你们，感恩！

但我以前的朋友也怎么理会我了，的确是有点伤心

然而，每次回到槟城的时候都忐忐忑忑的，原因是，可能我逐渐失去了在家乡的朋友

连聚会的时候也没人等我回来了才聚餐的那种悲伤，但我会忍着，这只是一个考验

每次回来槟城，想逛街，也不知道要找谁一起，大家忙着的时候，我竟然放假了

但我觉得2016年过去了，我的2017年就不会那么单调了，希望如此吧

希望我可以顺利地毕业，顺利地在我最后一年的大学季里交更多的朋友

最好是找到真心的朋友，我真的不需要虚假又不理会我的朋友了，善哉！

New Year Resolutions

CCMO 音乐会顺利（最后一场管乐音乐会了）
2017年 Tri Campus Art Festival（这一次去宁波分校啦）
七月尾毕业（希望可以顺利）
New Zealand Life （跟男朋友一起）

2017年，我准备迎接你了！

杰 x 見 の点滴 ツ 十六章：异地恋了

Hey，离开你已有一个星期了，很开心十一月的时候你抽空时间来看我
万分感动，且心酸，心酸的是，很快的，你要出国了，不想因为时差而影响我们的关系
你来看我的那个时候，我们的确是做了好多事情，来弥补接下来几年无法做到的事情
避免遗憾，避免后悔，然而，那一次却是我最开心的一次见面，也是最心痛的一次
心痛不是因为不开心，只是，想起以后我没有男朋友陪我，就感到非常的失落
以前还在国内的时候，虽然隔了好几百公里的距离，驾个远途车还是一个小时的飞机就到了
而且以前虽然知道对方是无法来看你的当儿还抱着一种有希望的心态
现在呢，感觉一切都不太可能了，所有的习惯也都改变了
之前，常会在 video call 的时候跟他说：“你下个月可以来看我吗？” 就变成每个月见一次面
然而现在，我也想要像以前那样的这样说，但我们都隔着一条无边无际的大海洋
甚至搭飞机都要花上好几千块，好几个小时的飞机程才可以见到心爱的人
嗯，说实在，根本不可能实现每个月见面的愿望，但我直到之前你是想让我开心才来看我的
就此真的希望自己是个有钱人，可以有钱出国，有钱去看你，但，这一切都只能是幻想...
离别的那一天，11月27日，你约了好几位朋友一起去出国前的聚会
其实，我想像以前那样的跟你一起相处，但因为有朋友在场，真的很不方便
我也想跟你撒娇，跟你抱抱亲亲，一起手拉手，一起躺在彼此的身上
我一般上都很少在大庭广众做这些事情，除非是没人看到的情况下或是在拍照
这一去就去三年，我当然要继续跟你亲密下去，接下来就没机会了
是趁朋友都去厕所的时候才能展现自我，真想他妈的一口亲好几次啊啊啊啊啊啊
然而他呢，不管有没有朋友在场都对我很好，都像以前那样对我
每当他牵起我的手，就算是坐在身边都牵的那种，都暖在心里，想到以后没人要牵我的手了
他也很喜欢抱着我，表面上看起来好像在拒绝，我心里面想的却是，继续继续！！
我一直以为我可以忍受你离去的事实，在那一刻起，眼泪都快彪出来了
结果，朋友上个厕所，眼泪真的不受控制的流下来了，那个画面真的心酸
他眼睁睁的看着我那不受控制的泪水，很主动的亲了一口，后来发现是在大众面前就停了
那一瞬间，我永远都忘不了，那最后一次的亲吻，那最后一次的拥抱，虽短却暖心
现在，已经六天了，我们没什么 video call 还是 voice call ，真的特别想念你的声音
还好那一次，你独自一人出门，才让我们有机会 video call 见个面
见到他的时候，对不起我有又哭了哈哈哈哈是真的真的很想念他
他看着我就问：你哭啊，做么你哭
我：想你了..
他：哭到酱凄惨啊，你是看到我才哭的是么
我：嗯...
那一段话，短是短可是没办法啊，他爸一直在他身边所以没什么时间见到对方的脸
别说视频聊天还是 voice call 了，脸普通的聊天我都觉得很难，都在那几个时间内聊
所以现在特别争取机会聊天，以前我们随时都可以聊，可以秒回，现在就....好难得才可以聊几句
自从他出国了以后，就避免自己逛街，都饺子机少点逛，不是没钱也不是没朋友
只是避免在街上看到其他情侣秀恩爱哈哈哈哈哈
就在今天，逛了 IOI City Mall 的时候，两个高颜值的情侣一直在我面前秀
而且还在排队买  churros 的时候在我面前狂亲狂抱，当我是透明的那样
然后那女的，亲完了看我一样，又继续亲下去，hello？我需要羡慕咩
我又不是没男朋友，我又不是单身，我又不是没人要，我只是远距离啊.....
当时就特别委屈，为什么别人可以秀，我就不能.... 我的人儿在纽西兰呢....
而且还有朋友一直说没见到男朋友辛苦，最顶不顺的是那些住在同一个城市的=,=
我明白你们因为上课关系或是工作关系不是时常可以见到男朋友
至少你们，驾个车，对方喊饿就带她出去吃的那种，又可以见面的...
我呢，我还要搭几个小时的飞机，去见我的爱人，又不ngam的时差，又没机会聊天的那种
真的拜托你了，你跟我的情况完全不同好么，你的是同一个城市，我的是异地恋好么
不懂情况的人儿，真的可以不是你们想象的那么容易
我一开始就远距离，现在正式踏入异地恋的环节，都一直在提醒自己，过完这几年就重逢了
要么就是，努力赚钱，明年飞过去见他！熬完这几年，等他毕业了，他可以一辈子的陪着我了
我们再也真的不用离开了，努力赚钱，环游世界，结婚，买屋子！
可能我想得太远了，毕竟才五个月多的在一起哈哈哈哈，但我注定要他了，有种想嫁给他的冲动
现在呢，我要努力地忍受所有人秀的恩爱，所有看见的亲亲抱抱，I need to be immune!
Wish me luck and goodnight!